A ranty, funny, dead-serious intersectional feminist blog.

Alternate Rosie is Screwed (But I Feel Fine!)

I was so tense yesterday that I was unable to see into the future. Not in a psychic way (which would be really cool but also not), but in the way that we do all the time where we imagine what things will be like if this happens or that does. The future was like this dark spot in my vision because I couldn’t imagine what might happen to my country if things turned out the way I feared was all too possible, and I couldn’t quite dare to hope that everything would be ok.

But I did hope, because that was all I could do, and as day faded into evening I settled into a sort of faith that our president would carry the day. I felt almost cocky at times, but then I’d remember Toby Ziegler’s timeless warnings against tempting fate,  and I’d take a deep breath and grit my teeth some more. At no time did I imagine what life would be like on the other side of the divide. The future was still a dark spot on the horizon.

When the final results broke, I didn’t dare to believe at first, and I went off verifying it everywhere I could as tears sprang up in my eyes. When the last domino fell, I collapsed into a heap of sobs, traumatized, my relief expressing itself in tears and snot all over my boyfriend’s shirt. And when the sobs subsided, the sighs took over. I must have sighed a hundred times as I let myself relax for the first time maybe all year.

That was way too close, people. In an alternate universe, Alternate Rosie woke up to President Romney this morning, and some poor Weimaraner found out he was getting strapped to the roof of a limousine for a trip to the White House. In that universe, Alternate Rosie is writing a blog post about how to combat the upcoming troop-surge in the War on Women. In this one, we showed Mourdock and Akin and Ryan and Romney the door, and with any luck we’ll see a return to some semblance of sanity among the GOP. In this universe, we won the most important election of my lifetime. And the relief I feel today is only exceeded by my optimism for the future.

We’ve still got plenty to do in this universe before people like me can stop ranting on the Internet about gender equality and rape culture and the patriarchy. But in this universe, the President of the US is a feminist. I pity Alternate Rosie, but I’m glad it’s her and not me.

Back to work.


12 responses

  1. Evisceratus

    Are you kidding me?

    You honestly think Barrack Obama cares one bit more for women’s rights than Mitt Romney?

    Did women suddenly have less rights under George Bush?
    Did women’s rights suddenly expand under Bill Clinton?

    The men are for the men I know because I am a man and I have lived under three presidents and each one looked out for my interests instead of those of women.

    You want a feminist in office then you need to elect a woman (the woman doesn’t actually matter it could be sarah palin, hilary clinton, or paris hilton).

    The point is you need to prove you can get it done and are a force to be reckoned with at the ballot box.

    That’s my 2 cents do with it what you will.

    February 22, 2013 at 5:57 am

  2. Pat MacEwen

    I’m still astonished that Romney had the nerve to even mention the words “honor” and “integrity” in his concession speech. Otherwise, I feel like we all dodged a bullet. No, make that an artillery bombardment, with every woman in America standing on the shooting range. A misogynist war-mongering Congress led by a total sociopath – the very thought of it helps me understand what it must have been like for a lot of folks as the Nazis took over in Germany.

    November 8, 2012 at 5:57 am

    • All I could imagine doing in the event of a Romney win was organizing a massive march on DC and then camping out for the next four years. Glad it didn’t come to it–I’m too old for that shit.

      November 8, 2012 at 5:35 pm

  3. There were times last night when I was SO WORRIED. And I refused to go to bed until Romney made his concession speech, because I remembered a night twelve years ago when I thought Gore was the president, and then when I woke up, SURPRISE! EIGHT YEARS OF BUSH!

    November 8, 2012 at 2:19 am

    • I hear you. I was not going to sleep without hearing Romney’s concession. And I’m glad he was gracious (even though he apparently hadn’t prepared anything for the occasion), but he still seemed to me like he was campaigning. So glad it’s over. I can’t stop saying that.

      November 8, 2012 at 5:30 pm

  4. Awesome articulation of a world-renouned sigh of relief.

    November 8, 2012 at 1:27 am

    • Thank you very much. :)

      November 8, 2012 at 6:08 am

  5. I couldn’t breathe fully until the concession speech. I was so afraid the Replicans would try to contest it and drag things out. Once that happened, the joy and hope was overwhelming! We did it!

    November 8, 2012 at 12:14 am

    • Yeah, I think that was really that last domino for me. If Romney believed it, then I had to. So glad it’s over!

      November 8, 2012 at 6:08 am

  6. Linz

    I cannot express how relieved I am. I might *not* get an ulcer now!

    November 7, 2012 at 11:28 pm

    • I know for a fact I’ll drink less….

      November 8, 2012 at 6:07 am

  7. JackieP

    hear hear. whew it was a close call for sure

    November 7, 2012 at 10:51 pm

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